Mike’s Blog April 26, 2007
I mentioned this on the air the other day and we got a load of calls afterward. It’s painful, but I’ll recap the sorry tale of my parakeet’s untimely end.
My blushing bride, Janice, brought home a blue parakeet for me a few years back, and right from the start I noticed this crazy bird had a personality all its own. It destroyed all of its toys as soon as I put them in his cage, so I named him Pete (after Townshend). Believe me, he lived up to his name. Pete was also stubborn. I don’t know if parakeets can talk, but if not I wasted about a hundred hours of my life sitting by his cage repeating “pretty bird” and “Mike is hot”. I would sit there and chant it like a mantra (much to Janice’s consternation) and all Pete would do is look at me like I was nuts. However, he would occasionally come over to the side of the cage and rub his beak against my nose.
Pete led a long and happy life destroying his toys and listening to me say “pretty bird”. But one day Janice noticed Pete was pulling out his feathers. Off to the vet we go. The vet finally grabbed Pete, pulled his beak off his finger and said he was the strongest bird he’d ever treated. The doctor took a blood sample, put it under the microscope and announced “Look at this! Your bird has blah-blah-blah. It’s a form of the Elephant Man’s disease!” He said Pete would soon get large fibrous tumors like John Merrick. My question: Where would I get a little mask and hat? Also, if Pete didn’t want to say “pretty bird”, he certainly wouldn’t care to say, “I am not an animal”. (Rent the DVD. You’ll get the joke..)
I brought Pete home and, sure enough, in a few months Pete’s feathers are dropping and he’s turning into “elephant bird”. It was time for Pete to visit the vet for the last time. What did the bird cost? Ten – fifteen bucks? I looked in the cage, said “Sorry old pal. You’re going back to the vet.” Pete struggled to get over to the side of the cage and rubbed his beak against me.
Gaaaaah! I couldn’t do it. I had someone come over to take him to the vet and get out him out of his misery. Bye Pete. We still miss you.
Then the vet committed suicide…but that’s a whole different story..
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Monday, April 23, 2007
Mike's Blog April 23, 2007
Back in the heyday of carnies, a top attraction used to be the sideshow tent. If you want a taste of what they were like, go rent the DVD of “Freaks”. It’s an eye opener. At any rate, in less enlightened times people would get entertainment from going to the sideshow tent to see some aberration of nature. They finally faded away as the public became more sympathetic to others….but they never really disappeared. They just went to a different medium.
Let’s look at “Dancing with the Stars”. Is anyone really watching for any reason other than to see Heather Mills fail? What about “American Idol”? Watch the ratings after Sanjayah said “sayonara”. On a far more serious note, what about the idiot who shot up the Virginia Tech campus? NBC won the night when it aired his mindless rants on the nightly news. Do we really care what a madman has to say? It’s just the way media taps into some weird need certain segments of the public have to see someone worse off than themselves. They want to see people fail. Think it will change soon? Not likely. The late Michael O’Donohue of “National Lampoon” and “Saturday Night Live” fame was by most accounts a comedy genius with a dark and sinister side. He was the guy who did the skits with knitting needles being jammed into eyes and the infamous cover of “Lampoon” with a gun held to a dog’s head. Most admitted it was sick, but it sure got their attention. Now they adapt it to primetime and the news. In some ways, O’Donohue was a visionary. A sick one, but a visionary none the less.
Let’s look at “Dancing with the Stars”. Is anyone really watching for any reason other than to see Heather Mills fail? What about “American Idol”? Watch the ratings after Sanjayah said “sayonara”. On a far more serious note, what about the idiot who shot up the Virginia Tech campus? NBC won the night when it aired his mindless rants on the nightly news. Do we really care what a madman has to say? It’s just the way media taps into some weird need certain segments of the public have to see someone worse off than themselves. They want to see people fail. Think it will change soon? Not likely. The late Michael O’Donohue of “National Lampoon” and “Saturday Night Live” fame was by most accounts a comedy genius with a dark and sinister side. He was the guy who did the skits with knitting needles being jammed into eyes and the infamous cover of “Lampoon” with a gun held to a dog’s head. Most admitted it was sick, but it sure got their attention. Now they adapt it to primetime and the news. In some ways, O’Donohue was a visionary. A sick one, but a visionary none the less.
Mike’s Blog April 18, 2007
Just the other day I noticed the first season of ”The Untouchables” TV show is out in a DVD boxed set. I don’t remember when it was first aired, partly because I was so young and also because the series was taken off the air in Cleveland for a time because it offended certain ethnic groups. That was odd considering that Eliot Ness was the city’s public safety director for a time. But I sure ate up those episodes in reruns!
I learned more from my grandfather than I ever could from a textbook, and he was no fan of Ness. He claimed Ness ruined the city police force because he put two-way radios in patrol cars. His theory was that cops used to walk a beat, had lunch or dinner in the local “beer joint”, and knew everyone in the neighborhood by their first name. If Mrs. Shafronic’s kid broke your window, the cop would grab the kid by the ear, drag him home and make sure the window got fixed. No charges were filed and everyone went on with their business. But my grandfather claimed putting cops in patrol cars gave them more ground to cover and the crime rate actually increased! I don’t know if statistics would actually bear him out.
At any rate, it also made me recall that about ten years ago I was at Eliot Ness’ funeral! Ness died almost fifty years ago, but his ashes sat in a box for years. Then one of his wives and his son joined him in the after life and their ashes sat around as well. It came to the attention of some local Ness fans, and they arranged for Ness and the family’s ashes to be interred in a full police ceremony at Lakeview Cemetery. Bagpipes, people crying, the whole bit.
Here’s the point (and yes I do have one.) I’m looking forward to seeing this box set and the seasons that follow. I don’t think my grandfather would have cared for them.
I learned more from my grandfather than I ever could from a textbook, and he was no fan of Ness. He claimed Ness ruined the city police force because he put two-way radios in patrol cars. His theory was that cops used to walk a beat, had lunch or dinner in the local “beer joint”, and knew everyone in the neighborhood by their first name. If Mrs. Shafronic’s kid broke your window, the cop would grab the kid by the ear, drag him home and make sure the window got fixed. No charges were filed and everyone went on with their business. But my grandfather claimed putting cops in patrol cars gave them more ground to cover and the crime rate actually increased! I don’t know if statistics would actually bear him out.
At any rate, it also made me recall that about ten years ago I was at Eliot Ness’ funeral! Ness died almost fifty years ago, but his ashes sat in a box for years. Then one of his wives and his son joined him in the after life and their ashes sat around as well. It came to the attention of some local Ness fans, and they arranged for Ness and the family’s ashes to be interred in a full police ceremony at Lakeview Cemetery. Bagpipes, people crying, the whole bit.
Here’s the point (and yes I do have one.) I’m looking forward to seeing this box set and the seasons that follow. I don’t think my grandfather would have cared for them.
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